What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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