Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
