There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
