My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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