someone threw a dead crab at me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
