So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
