Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize