I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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