Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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