i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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