just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
