One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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