Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
