I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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