I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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