By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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