First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
