I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
