I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
