Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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