I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
