There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im holly from the hills drunk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
