my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
