Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
