What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
