he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
