Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
