Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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