She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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