I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
