please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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