no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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