So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
