This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
