a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
is that a dick in a sweater?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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