Where is the hickey?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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