I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
