just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
