It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
