I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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