I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
