I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
is wine microwaveable?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
