dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize