what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
