He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
