Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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