We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
