somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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