Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
