with your own penis?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
