you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
