I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
