I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
