i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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