I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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