Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
