um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Boobs are out for the taking
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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