hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
