ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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