My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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