You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
