And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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