Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
