i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
