i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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