I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
