Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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