You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
