did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
