How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize