I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
