we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
