and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
