i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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